Are you dating a loser? Well, let’s figure that out before you go on wasting your time for God knows how long.
Calling people names is something that I do very rarely. But in this case, I am just going to come out and say it. The catchword I am going to use is losers, yes losers.
Women spend so much time improving themselves by working out to maintain their physique, taking care of their mental health, getting an education, never leaving the house without their hair or make-up, just to end up with men who are losers.
I said what I said, and I am not taking it back.
As women, we waste a lot of time dating guys who are losers when the obvious warning signs are there all along.
The sad thing is that many, and I mean many women, IGNORE these obvious warning signs and go ahead and marry, yes MARRY, their loser guy.
And once we’re that deep into the relationship, that’s when we start complaining about the warnings signs that were there from the very beginning, and even the first times you met this loser guy.
Dating the wrong guy is like carrying date weight. It holds you back not only from moving forward:
- Saving money (you’ll see why)
- Creating memorable experiences
But most importantly, it interferes with the right gentleman finding you. Because let’s face it, you wouldn’t notice if the right guy was in front of you even if he came with a written sign saying “I am the right guy.”
Why? Because you’re too distracted.
Most of us women date to find the man we want to spend our lives and create a family with, so the longer you spend dating a loser, the longer it’s going to take for the right guy to find you.
Time is precious. You can never get it back. Once it’s gone, it’s gone, that’s it. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, you don’t have time to waste.
So before you start wasting your time dating a loser, I will share with you 9 warning signs that will help you figure out really quickly how to tell if you’re dating a loser.
How To Know If You’re Dating A Loser:
1) He doesn’t have a job-
If you meet a guy for the first time and he tells you that he doesn’t have a job or is “in-between jobs right now,” when you ask him what he does for a living, don’t take that lightly. It may be a sign to run for the hills. Because how is he supporting himself if he doesn’t have a job?
But most important, how will he support your relationship if he’s jobless? The fact that he’s jobless could be a warning sign that this guy is up to nothing serious.
2) You start paying for things when you go out on dates-
If you ignored the fact that he is jobless and continue to see and go out with him, get out NOW before the relationship starts to get serious!
We, women, are independent now and can afford to pay for our own. However, if you’re paying for everything or more often than he is, girl, you can do bad all by yourself.
3) He asks you for gas money-
Okay, now this should be a no-brainer; if this man cannot afford to put GAS in his own car and asks you for gas money, RUN! Even if you’re in his car and he’s driving, tell him to pull over, get out, and call yourself an Uber or a Lift!
I can’t tell you how many times I have gone to a gas station and see women handing over their credit cards to the man driving the car and quietly whispering their PIN to them. At this point, it’s time to stop the nonsense.
4) He calls you out of your name-
Respect holds a high priority in a relationship. If a man thinks it’s okay to call you out of your name, he is without a doubt a loser.
If he calls you names like the “B” word, don’t even bother addressing it. If he can cross that line of disrespecting you, he can cross any line.
Now, some women think it’s okay for a man to call them names, but I assure you it is not okay for a man to call you out of your name, argument or not.
5) He can’t pay his rent-
Now, if you have happened to live with him, which I do not recommend, and he cannot pay for the rent on his own without you having to pitch in, ask yourself what future do you have with this guy. Seriously, what future do you have with a so-called man who can’t pay his rent without your help?
What if you become sick and can’t work? Think about it, girlfriend.
6) He does drugs-
There’s a difference between used to use drugs but is now in sustained or full remission and a recreational user who spends money using drugs because he likes and enjoys it.
If the guy you’re dating was addicted to drugs at some point but is now in sustained or full remission and is serious about not ever wanting to use drugs, and his life reflects that then okay. But he uses drugs for fun continuously and consistently, then that’s not okay.
Don’t even bother addressing his drug use because it shouldn’t be up to you to change him. He should want to change and stop using drugs all by himself.
Remember that a person who is addicted to drugs was once a recreational user. Drugs change the brain, and if you use them long enough, eventually, the brain will crave that drug more often and eventually daily- and ultimately, it’ll take over your life.
7) He smokes Cigarettes-
Not only is smoking cigarettes a disgusting habit, but it is also a health hazard. You only have one body. If a person is unwilling to take care of his own body, it will fall apart.
Smoking does not only affect the individual; it also affects the family unit, both financially and medically. It’s a different story if you plan on having a family, as research shows that second smoke can be just as harmful.
8) All talk, no action-
If all your man does is talk about his dreams, aspirations and how he’s going to do this and become that, yet sits on his butt and does nothing about it, move on with your life because you are in the company of a loser.
9) He Hits You-
This is the most significant sign that you’re dating a loser, he hits you. It may not always be safe to exit a physically abusive relationship, but if you’re in a relationship with a man who hits you, please find a safe way to leave the relationship as your safety and life could depend on it.
My Perspective as a therapist
As a therapist, I have seen my fair share of miserable relationships. I have spoken to many women who say they noticed early warning signs that their man is a loser, but they ignored them and continued the relationship anyways. But now, they feel stuck because they are married, live together, and have children together, etc.
That’s why it is so important to identify these warning signs that you’re dating a loser early on in the relationship. You’ll save yourself a lot of headaches in the long run.
What It Says about you
It’s not only about your loser boyfriend here; it’s also about you. So, let’s talk about it. Do you have good and genuine men in your life, father, brother, uncle, friend?
Some women don’t know what a good man looks likes because they didn’t have the privilege of growing up in the company of good and genuine men.
Growing up with an absent father or being abused or poorly treated by men in your life could be the reason why you end up in this relationship with a man who is a loser.
Maybe you don’t know how to identify the characteristics of a good man because of that lack of a healthy relationship with a good and genuine man. And if that’s the case, it’s never too late to learn about the characteristics of good men.
But if you grew up surrounded by good men in your life and know how to recognize good men, what drove you to this man who is a loser?
Could it be that there’s an unresolved issue with those men in your life? Or did you lose your way?
Because it is possible to grow up around a good and genuine man, meet and date a loser and continue dating losers because of the abuse you have sustained from that unhealthy relationship.
You may be looking for the right man, but you are not desperate. It’s understandable that as women, the older we get, the more we fear ending up alone, especially if we have dreams of being married and having a family. However, this doesn’t mean we should sell ourselves short.
Marriage means nothing and will be miserable if it’s with the wrong person. It’s better to stay single and happy than married and miserable.
