5 ways to combat feelings of loneliness- A rising epidemic in America
We live in a time where we are as connected as we have ever been. We can connect and communicate with loved ones or friends in an instant.
Yet, despite all the social media; Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp, Facetime, we live in the loneliest society there’s ever been, and millions of us feel isolated, at least according to research.Â
Of course, no one is immune from the feeling of loneliness. No matter how much money you have, how well off you are, how famous you are, we all experience loneliness from time to time. It is a universal human experience.
However, this occasional feeling of loneliness has become chronic and long-standing for millions of people and has even reached an epidemic level over the few years in America.Â
Cigna, the health insurer, released a report on January 23, 2020, which surveyed over 10,000 adult workers in July and August 2019 in the U.S. to examine the impact of loneliness, and the results were striking.
The report revealed that more than 3 in 5 or 61 percent of American adults identify as feeling lonely regularly. More and more people report feeling they are left out, poorly understood, and lacking companionship.
The most troubling revelation about this study is that loneliness is seemingly rising. The survey revealed a 7 percentage increase in overall loneliness since 2018 when the survey was first conducted.
How can a society be so connected yet feel so lonely?
No one intentionally becomes lonely. It is something that we stumble upon. We don’t always have enough time to maintain every area of our lives as we become busy with life (school, work, romantic relationships, and kids). As a result, we tend to give up the things that require no absolute commitments.Â
Social connections are sometimes the easiest things to put on hold, leading to social isolation when avoided for too long.Â
The Cigna report indicated several aspects that are contributing to loneliness. More and more people are reporting:
- Not enough social support
- Too few meaningful social interactions
- Poor physical and mental health
- Not enough balance in our lives
The report also disclosed that:
- Heavy Social media use was linked to loneliness, with 73 percent of very heavy social media users considered lonely, compared with 52% of light users.
- Feelings of isolation were prevalent across generations, with Gen Z (ages 18–22) having the highest average loneliness score while Baby Boomers (ages 55–73) had the lowest.Â
- Loneliness is more common in men (63 percent) compared with 58% of women.
- And finally, the survey unveiled that conditions in the workplace affect how lonely people feel. People with good co-worker relationships, who had a good work-life balance, and when colleagues felt like they shared goals, are less lonely.
What is loneliness?
 Loneliness is a subjective experience in which a person longs for meaningful social connections.Â
According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Basic Needs, just like we have physical needs (food, water, shelter, oxygen, and sleep), we also long for love and a sense of belonging through friendship, intimacy, and social connections.Â
In other words, just like hunger indicates a need for food, loneliness implies a need for meaningful social connections. These basic social needs are necessary for survival.
Being alone is not the same as feeling lonely. Loneliness is not reliant on being alone or being surrounded by people.Â
Loneliness is based on how connected you feel on the inside. It is possible to be physically alone, not feel lonely, but be surrounded by family and friends, yet your feeling of loneliness persists. If you feel lonely, chances are you are lonely.Â
Although loneliness is not reliant on how many people you’re surrounded by, many of us can become lonely when we are isolated for too long.Â
How loneliness kills
It is not easy to form close relationships as adults. For this reason, loneliness can become chronic. When loneliness becomes persistent and pervasive, it becomes harmful to our overall health.
Studies have found that the stress that comes from chronic loneliness is among the most unhealthy things we can experience as humans, thus why it can negatively affect our physical, mental health, and overall well-being.Â
How loneliness is correlated to your well-being:Â
- Loneliness significantly increases the risk of premature or early death.
- Loneliness is strongly linked to mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.
- Loneliness can make it more likely that you get Alzheimer’s disease.
- Loneliness has been found to be twice as deadly as obesity.
- Loneliness is as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
- Loneliness is compared to having an alcohol use disorder.
Studies have also found that loneliness makes you age quicker, makes cancer deadlier, your immune systems weaker, and Alzheimer’s disease advances faster.
In addition, your cortisol levels, a stress hormone in your body, go up when you experience loneliness. Cortisol can impair cognitive performance, compromise your immune system, and increase your risk of heart disease.Â
5 Helpful Tips to overcome loneliness
The most complicated aspect of loneliness is that it can be difficult to overcome once it becomes chronic. If you want to stop feeling lonely, you have to be intentional about your condition and your actions to improve your well-being. Here are 5 tips on how to overcome loneliness in your life.
1) Change how you see the world
Loneliness can make you see yourself and others around you negatively, changing your behavior and the way you act towards people.Â
This mindset can cause you to start avoiding social interactions and situations, leading to more feelings of isolation and loneliness. Your negative perception of the world, people, and change in behavior can become a vicious cycle that becomes harder and harder to escape each time.Â
2) Be happy with who you are as an individual
Do you like who you are?
Are you happy with who you are as a person?
Loneliness is not only draining, but it can cloud the perception you have about yourself.Â
Practice self-care and be deliberate about the time you set aside to do things that will help you grow and develop into the person you want to become.Â
Join a gym or a book club, or volunteer with an organization that is important to you. These activities will help you grow and become a better person.Â
3) Talk to people
Loneliness makes it hard to talk to people because you often feel left out, alienated, never feel like you fit in, and feel like no one gets you.Â
Loneliness makes you assume the worst of others’ intentions towards you. Because of this assumption of others, people can sometimes come off as being rude, cold, unfriendly, weird, and socially awkward, which perpetuates more loneliness.Â
Start shifting this attitude by talking to people, anyone that you usually don’t speak to but come in contact with daily. Â
4) Be vulnerable
Be vulnerable as you gain confidence in yourself and start talking to people. Loneliness can cause you to become guarded. And when this happens, you tend to share less about yourself when you talk to people, which can interfere with connection building.
Be mindful of this, and remember that the more you disclose about yourself, the more people will reveal to you about themselves. So go ahead and open up, share yourself with people; you’ll be glad you did.
5) Find your tribe and build intimate connections
It is emotionally and socially validating to be surrounded by people who like you for who you are, can be your authentic self, share common interests and ideas with you, and genuinely connect with you on a deeper level. That kind of relationship will fulfill your internal biological, social desires.
With loneliness being on the rise and people always busy, the key to overcoming the type of isolation that can often lead to loneliness is being proactive with the relationships that you have in your life.Â
Just because your friends and loved ones do not always reach out to you does not mean that they don’t love you or don’t want to spend time with you. Like you, they are also trying to balance everything in their lives.
So be willing to take the lead and make plans that will give you a chance to spend time with the people who are important to you.Â
And if you are someone who doesn’t currently have those relationships, finding new communities to get involved in will create opportunities for you to find your tribe.
Good places to meet new people:
- A local church
- Grocery store
- Coffee shop
- Local gym
- Bookstore
- Sports Events
- Join a dance or spin class
- Join a professional networking group
- Visit a local museum
- Browse through local businessesÂ
- Go to your town’s farmer’s market
- Take a foreign language class
There are many different places and ways to meet new people; you just have to be a willing participant.Â
Final Thoughts on Combating Loneliness
We, humans, are social beings. And because we were not created to be alone, we become sick if we are alone or isolated for too long.
From the beginning of time, humans were meant to live in communities. We were meant to be surrounded by like-minded families and friends who would protect and make us feel safe.Â
Loneliness is the effect of not being surrounded by enough families and friends.
As per Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, we need to feel like we belong, whether it’s to a family or a community. We also long to feel accepted, loved, and cared for, which only happens through meaningful relationships.Â
When we are connected, we can reach self-actualization- our full potential.Â
When you have deep, healthy, and meaningful relationships, even with one person, your social needs are met, and you are less likely to become lonely even when you spend a lot of time alone.
Lack of meaningful social connections or feeling disconnected causes the body to become stressed because it senses a lack of belonging, love, and acceptance. Loneliness signals the need for socializing.Â
Although humans have evolved, our bodies and minds remain the same. We are still biologically programmed to be connected to each other.Â
No matter how advanced the modern world becomes, nothing can replace our emotional and social need for connection. And in-person interactions will always be the best way to build deep, healthy, meaningful, authentic, and intimate relationships.
Thank you so much for sharing these tips. Definitely something I’m dealing with right now.
A great post about a very important topic. Thanks, Nadia, I always enjoy reading your blog.
I didn’t realize that it compares to smoking so much! As an introvert, making friends is so hard. Thanks for talking about this subject.
Enlightening post, I’m surprised that the millennials are such a big part of the lonely group. I guess they’re looking for friendship in a phone…that’s just not going to happen.
90% of the time i am not lonely but 10% of the time i am. Having social anxiety and not liking people is my problem. I have to try and these tips may help me. Thank you