14 Very Important Signs You Are Not Ready For Marriage
Getting married or choosing who to spend the rest of your life with is one of the most important life decisions you will have to make.
However, it takes a lot of preparation to get to that special place in your life where you can make a conscious decision about choosing a life partner.
This decision is not to be made lightly or impulsively. When a decision like getting married is made impulsively or under duress, the outcome of that union could end up causing emotional pain to more than the couple involved.
Are you ready for marriage?
It is so easy for the vision of a single or unmarried individual regarding marriage to become clouded when everyone around them is getting married and settling down. But just because you are a certain age or see the majority of your friends getting married does not mean that you should get hitched.
When you’re ready to get married, you’ll know. In the same way, when you’re not ready to get married, the signs you are not ready for marriage will also be there. If you’re not in denial that you are not prepared for marriage, the evidence will be apparent and obvious.
Before getting married, you have to remember that marriage or the person you are marrying will not bring you happiness. If you are unhappy or have issues before marriage, that unhappiness and problems will still be there after you say “I do.” Working on yourself and finding your purpose in life are the things that will make you happy, even as a single person.
14 Signs You Are Not Ready For Marriage
1) You don’t know who you are as an individual:
You become one in a marriage. And sometimes, you can get so caught up in putting your spouse’s needs before your own that you forget to do the things that are important to you and make you who you are as an individual.
Maintaining your individuality is essential because you risk losing yourself in the relationship if you don’t engage in what defines you and make you your own person.
Ask yourself these questions before you get married, and continue to ask yourself these questions even after you are married to ensure that you don’t lose yourself.
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- What are my values?
- What is my purpose in life?
- What matters to me the most in my life right now?
- What makes me smile?
- What are my strengths?
- Who are the most important people in my life, and how often do I communicate with them?
2) You have not sorted out the traumas from your childhood:
Not only do adverse childhood events impact your health across a lifespan, but open wounds from unresolved childhood trauma can get in the way of trust and intimacy.
Doing the work not to be triggered by adverse childhood experiences is a big part of healing. Communicating with your spouse about your childhood experiences will also give them a better understanding of your past and the difficulties you have faced and overcome.
3) Your career is not sorted out yet:
An unresolved career path can add a lot of emotional stress to a marriage. Establishing a career involves figuring out what you like and are passionate about, a process that takes time—doing that while in a marriage takes time away from your spouse, which can affect intimacy, the amount of time you spend together, and your timeline for having children.
Entering a marriage without a career path can also put a lot of financial tension on a marriage, especially in an economy where two incomes are often needed to maintain a household.
4) You have only been dating a short while:
It takes time to get to know a person and learn what makes them tick. While you’ll never really know everything about a person before you marry them, there are important details that you need to know and that will only reveal themselves with time.
If you’ve been dating this person for less than a year, the chances are that you don’t know them very well. While it is possible for that marriage to work, red flags could arise in the future that would have enabled you to make a much more informed decision about the person you chose to marry if you had dated a little bit longer.
5) Your parents disapprove of him:
Your parents’ opinion might hold more weight on your choice of life partner depending on how close of a relationship you have with them. If you are someone who has a close and loving relationship with your parents, it is important to take heed to their advice because, believe it or not, no matter how wise you think you are, your parents can often see things that you can’t see yourself. Your parents love you and have your best interest in mind. It’s safe to say that you can trust their wisdom and life experience for counsel. And again, that is only if you have a close relationship with your parents.
6) You don’t feel ready:
If you don’t feel ready, you are not ready. I know I just said to take heed to your parents’ advice, but that is if you feel you are prepared to get married.
However, if you don’t feel ready for marriage, don’t let your parents or the fact that your friends are getting married pressure you to want to get married.
7) You are struggling with addiction or drugs and alcohol misuse:
Whether it be an addiction to alcohol, prescription drugs, or illicit drugs, active addiction is a recipe for an unhealthy marriage, potentially leading to divorce. Before you think about marriage, make sure you are in sustained recovery and have a plan to maintain your sobriety. Go to therapy and seek out a 12-step program. Getting involved in long-term care will provide the support you need to maintain self-awareness and, therefore, your sobriety.
8) You have mental health issues:
Of course, you can have a successful marriage even if you live with a mental illness. A good marriage can provide strong and valuable support and encouragement to help you manage your mental illness. However, the concern is that you need to seek treatment to help you manage your mental illness before you get married.
Also read: 4 Items That Will Help Improve Your Mental Health!
9) Think you’re settling:
If you feel like you’re settling, you’ll go through your marriage unconsciously, making your spouse feel bad about themselves and like they are not good enough for you, creating a toxic relationship. Save that person the pain of constantly second-guessing whether you love them or not, and wait until you feel like you have found a compatible mate.
10) You disagree on the important issues:
You and your spouse won’t obviously agree on everything, but they are key issues you have to decide on before you get married. Religion, finances, having children and parenting style, and the role each person will play in the marriage are just a few things you need to agree on before marriage. Marriage is challenging as it is. If you can’t agree on the essential issues before marriage, you have a long stressful road ahead.
11) You can’t deal with conflict:
Conflict is an inevitable part of marriage. Knowing how to resolve challenges you face in your marriage in a loving, unthreatening, and safe way will make or break your marriage. It is crucial to get to know your partner before you get hitched because it takes time to identify how someone resolves arguments. It takes being thrown into stressful situations at different times, in different seasons, which takes time, as I have mentioned.
12) You’re not over your past relationships:
It is important to close a chapter in your life before starting a new one. Take the time you need to heal from your previous relationship before moving on to a new one, or you’ll just end up confused.
13) You don’t believe in monogamy:
If you don’t believe in the idea of committing to one person, then why bother getting married at all? When you get others involved in your marriage romantically, someone is bound to get hurt.
14) Trust is not yet established:
Trust is critical in a marriage because your union will not thrive without it. Building trust before marriage is essential for a healthy and thriving partnership.
