19 Essential Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming A Parent

19 Important Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming A Parent

Once you have your kids, that’s it, they are yours to keep and care for until they are old enough to live on their own. You cannot return or transfer them. They are your responsibility. That is why before you become a parent, there are a few things you might want to take into consideration. 

Even for me now, as a mom of three, there are things that I still wish I knew before I ventured on my journey to parenthood.

The things to take into serious consideration are those important things that will help you evaluate your readiness before becoming a parent and warn you of things to look out for when you have children.

When you embark on any journey with awareness, you set yourself up for success and minimize the inevitable stress you will encounter along the way. You also tend to be more prepared to deal with and manage difficult situations that may come your way.

Some of these things are important to know than others, but nevertheless, these are things that I think everyone who is thinking about becoming a parent should think about.

19 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming a Parent

1) You will experience a love like no other:

When you have children you will experience a type of love that you never thought existed. This type of love might even go beyond unconditional love. This type of love will motivate you to keep going no matter how challenging your life or parenting may become.

2) You learn so much about yourself: 

When you become a parent you learn a lot about who you are as a person. You learn about your character and how you regulate your emotions when put under pressure. Your children will do things that will get under your skin, but in the moment you will learn a lot about how you manage stressful situations. In learning about yourself, you are motivated to work on your problem areas and over time evolve as an individual and as a parent.

3) Choose who you have children with carefully: 

As much as you want to be a parent, choosing the right partner to have your children with is a crucial part of the process. Choose a spouse that will be dedicated to you and your future children. 

No one dreams of being a single parent. But unfortunately, according to 2020 data, 15.3 million children live in mother-only households, and up to 3.3 million children live in father-only households, when we know that children do much better in a two-parent household.

Not only is being a single parent super hard but keep in mind that when you have a child with someone, you are stuck with them forever.

If you want to build a healthy family, be wise about who you choose as your partner, and do not ignore red flags early in the relationship. 

When you are considering marrying someone and starting a family with them, no matter how long you have been dating them, if you notice red flags, be strong and smart enough to make the hard decision of ending the relationship. 

And ask yourself these important questions:

How is my relationship with this person, are we in a healthy relationship?

Are we both in the same boat about having a baby?

Are we financially ready for the cost of raising a child?

Can our relationship handle the stress of having a baby?

Who will be the primary caregiver for the baby?

Will one of us be a stay-at-home parent?

What will we do for childcare if we both decide to keep working?

Who will take time off to care for the baby when they are sick?

Choose a partner that is mature, respectful, reliable, shares the same moral values as you, and can contribute to your future family financially.

4) You need to heal from childhood trauma: 

Unresolved childhood trauma will affect how you parent your child. Be sure to work on resolving and healing any adverse childhood experiences. If you don’t heal from past trauma, your parenting will be over the top. It will keep your kids from forming meaningful relationships because you are afraid someone might get abused. You will  have trust issues and difficulties trusting anyone to watch your child, you’ll be a helicopter parent, and it will negatively impact your kids.

If you experienced childhood trauma and would like to begin the healing process, purchase my ebook “Finding My Way To The Other Side Of Childhood Trauma” for step by step tips on how to begin healing.

5) There might be little to no support: 

We all know that it takes a village to raise a child, but unfortunately, not everyone has that kind of village. And no matter how big and strong your village is, you will not get the help that you thought you would. 

People can talk up a good game about how they will be there to support you when you have children, but the fact is, you will not always have the support you will need to raise your children.

Most of the time it will be up to you and your spouse to maneuver through the difficulties of trying to find someone to watch your children so you can attend that parent-teacher conference or go on a date with your spouse. Ultimately caring for your children will be up to you and your supporting spouse.

6) Make sure your career is in order: 

Make sure your career is in order even when you are married because… life happens. If you were to ever become a single parent and have to raise your children alone, you want to be able to care for your children without having to struggle so much financially. You ALWAYS want to be able to take care of your children, even as a single parent. 

7) Being a parent does not get easier:

 It really doesn’t. The worry never goes away and being a parent does not get easier, the challenges are just different. 

8) It’s okay to accept help: 

You are going to need all the help you can get. Say yes to any help that is offered by the people you love and trust, of course.

9) You will get exhausted: 

You will be tired. Depending on how many kids you have and how many activities your kids are involved in, there will be a lot of juggling. Juggling school, extracurricular activities, doctor’s appointments, and other life happenings, which will cause you to experience burnout or feel exhausted especially if you do not have much support.

10) You will become a nervous wreck:

 You will always worry about how your kids are doing, and no matter how old they get, the worrying never really goes away. 

11) You will question yourself a lot: 

Parenting does not come with a guide, so naturally you will question your ability as a parent and will be constantly wondering whether you are doing this parenting thing correctly. You are afraid to get it wrong because you care deeply for your children and want what is best for them.

12) You will experience mom guilt: 

This is for all the moms or future moms out there, no matter how much of a good mom you are, you will experience mom guilt at some point in your parenting journey anytime you take some time to take care of yourself. 

13) Your friendships will not be the same: 

Being a parent is time-consuming, with having to juggle so many responsibilities, you may not have time for your old friendships causing them to fall apart. But if you can, maintain those friendships because they are good for your mental health.

14) Your job is to guide them: 

You will realize hopefully sooner than later that your job is to help guide your children in the right direction. Your job is not to control them but steer them in the right direction. The better you raise them, the more independent they are and the more confident they are in their abilities.

15) You still have to get up and do the darn thing: 

No matter how lousy of a day you are having or how terrible you feel, you still have to get up every day and take care of your children. They count on and depend on you to show up for them every day. You cannot just decide that you are going to take the day off, it does not work that way. As a parent, you have no days off.

16) Your kids will face hard times: 

No matter how much you try to protect your children, some things are out of your control. When they go out into the world such as school or participating in other activities, they will encounter relationships issues and other life-challenging situations. Nonetheless, know that the difficulties that your kids experience is not a parenting failure, it is part of life. 

17) Prepared to be touched endlessly: 

As a parent your kids will always be touching, hugging, and kissing you. They will be attached to you like glue. If you have any issues with being touched, work on it before becoming a parent. 

18) Absolutely no privacy: 

There is no such thing as privacy when you become a parent. Your kids are either with you or watching you. Heck, at some point, you won’t even be able to use the bathroom alone.

19) Your relationship with your spouse will change:

 It’s true. As much as you want to spend time alone together, you cannot, there are other little people involved now. The amount of alone time you spend together will change and so will your intimate life. Try your best to prioritize your relationship with your spouse in the midst of all the chaos.

Last Words On Things I wish I Knew Before Becoming a Parent

Most people who want to have kids do not know the kind of responsibility the journey entails. But when you take the things I’ve just shared into consideration before you become a parent you know what to expect and can hopefully use this wisdom to prepare yourself and avoid certain situations.

Knowing and thinking about these things also encourage you to evaluate your readiness before becoming a parent.  When you decide you ready to embark of journey of parenthood, you will at least take it on with awareness and knowing what to expect. 

19 Essential Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming A Parent